Pick Up the Pieces: revealing new parts of me

I have been away for a minute; sorry for my departure.

Well, can I welcome you to some good news? I recognize that good news is hard to come by. I recognize that it’s hard to recognize good news when it’s present. I recognize that it’s hard to recognize when we are (not) present.

Like many of us, I am going through some changes in my life. Into my mid to late 30s, I grow more and more excited and anxious about all the changes. In my 14th year of teaching, I still come to the classroom with so many questions. I mean, what did you expect? I am an Aquarius middle child who spends hours on public transit, people-watching and pondering, so of course, question marks swirl my head and thought bubbles keep me afloat as one small particle in a big world of gray matters.

In my Senior English course, honesty and humility anchor our serious conversations about politics and culture. On the first day of school,  I posed these questions to my Seniors:

Are you whole?

How do you know you are whole?

Do you hold yourself to be whole?

Who or what holds parts of you? For better or worse?

I had no particular academic objectives, just real questions as someone who has felt both safe and sick from compartmentalization.

I am partial. There are parts of me that I have willingly let go; parts of me that have been stolen; and parts of me that I have graciously given. There are even lost parts of me that have been found and given back to me by community and family.

Thank you, Uncle Bobby, for sharing family histories, histories of people who have parted ways with this life but not without imparting their virtues and values.

Given all the brokenness in the world, I have even more questions, as I try to connect all parts of me in my new apartment, in my ever-evolving partnership, and on this partisan piece of land we ironically call The United States of America.

Is your community whole?

In tact?

In contact?

With tactics?

Especially in survival mode, you need tactics or else you are at risk of being worn and torn, searched and destroyed, divided and conquered. Someone or something can make or break your whole-ness, leaving just a (w)hole. And yes, that someone or something could be just you. Or me.

Sorry. Again, can I share something? I know we all know how to share…share food, share space, share burdens, and maybe…difficult conversations. Parten me, please.

Maybe my piece will help you seek peace, try peace, or maybe piece something or someone together. I know, it’s hard. It’s exhausting. And it’s aspirational. I hope we all individually learn our own partitions, paths, and protocols through our own hierarchy of needs, especially when political hierarchies leave us socially stratified, dissatisfied, desensitized... and even radicalized.

Technology is the key. We need more technology, right?

Parts of me are not afraid of the Chat GPTs, the Bitcoins, and the vigilant(e) virtual personal assistants (i.e. Siri), for I still believe that (whole) family and community are our greatest technologies for protection, peace, and progress.

All this to say, I will truly see the state of my

brokenness,

my whole-ness,

and my world

in the eyes of my child. Just Black …Fathers?

November will be the beginning of my trek into fatherhood.

If you are still reading, these are my confessions...

Instead of grading this past Spring, I frequently found myself immersed in a wormhole of Mommy and Daddy YouTube channels…As my feed flooded with blankies, binkies, and boppies, I kept wondering whether my own parents had all of this stuff to raise four boys.

Context: my wife is literally housing someone with sharp nails, terrible sleep habits, and a big appetite. So what was I to do in the meantime? The least I could do was do my due diligence by studying all things baby, rubbing some feet, and listening to my wife tell me all about her organs shifting. "Baby's awake," my wife says every night crawling into bed.

Watching dozens of videos on 1.25x speed isn't so bad afterall. Most of my friends who are parents tell me to not overreact or overbuy due to FOMO or fearmongering. They say babies are fairly durable, pleasant, and very expensive.

As for my wife, she is amazing. I love her so much. She works from 8AM to 9PM; damn near six days a week. While I am a home-body these days, she has always been a busy bee, always moving. Imagine being a Kung-Fu teacher while wearing a 20-lb weighted vest. That's my pregnant wife, Monday through Saturday. Teachers marry teachers, ha.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that news with you. Thank you for reading as always. Please share any wisdom or resources. I look forward to the whole journey.

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